I think i've gotten shorter?

I swear it, or everyone around me has just gotten much much taller. Plus i can't remember a lot of the stuff i used to, i know people say that if you don't use bits of information on a daily basis (like math equations and the like) you lose it, but i didn't think it would be this bad. Everything remotely clever and worth learning seems to have been pushed out for generic trivia of no real value to man nor beast... This is not a good sign. Am i just going to become one of those people who sit around shouting at the screen of mid-day TV quiz shows that they know the answer but they really don't and then feel cheated when they get the answer wrong? God i hope not. I want to know the answer!

I really must start reading more.

Losing all creative impulses.

It's been a while since my last post, haha, I doubt anyone even reads this anyway so what the hell, it'll be a cathartic exercise for me, myself and I. Back at uni now and I'm trying to get back into a routine of normality. Waking up at different times everyday over the summer for no real purpose has really screwed with my sleep so i need to get that sorted before i start missing all of my lectures.

Alas i've gone off on a tangent, my neurological problems have absolutely no relevance in this post. *Dammit Nick get to the point!* Anyway, it seems i have lost all sense of creativity, and I'm not sure why. Maybe because i can't sleep... or maybe it's because everything here is so dull, lifeless and generally uninteresting that the grey, brown and beige pensioner of Peterborough and the personification of Derby (a tweed jacket wearing being with all the appeal of a sofa made out of burlap and the kind of person that would find seeing a new bus exciting) have seeped into my brain, blocking all interesting thoughts with fields of 'ooh look there's a new pie shop'.

I tried doodling today, and i couldn't think of much to even do, and the stuff that i did think of i decided against because it'd probably be shit. This is how hopeless i've become. Not even willing to do anything because of inevitable failure. Now this may seem like self-deprecation, but it doesn't mean that it's not true.

On a slight positive i've decided what i want to do for my second year production, the only problem is finding a place to shoot it, and i mean that in the cinematic sense and literally, i need to use a gun and find someone that doesn't mind having fake blood and bits of skull fired against their kitchen wall. Plus there's the whole thing of if I'm going to be able to work on my own or if I'm going to be forced into a group of people i really can't connect with... which seems more than likely. After last years abysmal aborted foetus of a film I'm hoping this year will shine a bit better.

Good talk.

xowax