FUCKING COLLEGE BITCHES!

Damn i hate them all, college kick out time and the eyes, feeding paranoia as their judgmental stares make me want to kick them under a bus, one in the ribs, one in the head and then a field-goal to the finish. Keep kicking them under until the wheel wells get jammed.

The only thing worse is insincerity, what's the point? Do something constructive with your time or you can damn well join the bitches.

Anger, an interesting emotion, one often dipped into but rarely embraced. If only i didn't want a life outside bars i could quite easily go back there and shred them limb from limb.

xOWAx

I think i've gotten shorter?

I swear it, or everyone around me has just gotten much much taller. Plus i can't remember a lot of the stuff i used to, i know people say that if you don't use bits of information on a daily basis (like math equations and the like) you lose it, but i didn't think it would be this bad. Everything remotely clever and worth learning seems to have been pushed out for generic trivia of no real value to man nor beast... This is not a good sign. Am i just going to become one of those people who sit around shouting at the screen of mid-day TV quiz shows that they know the answer but they really don't and then feel cheated when they get the answer wrong? God i hope not. I want to know the answer!

I really must start reading more.

Losing all creative impulses.

It's been a while since my last post, haha, I doubt anyone even reads this anyway so what the hell, it'll be a cathartic exercise for me, myself and I. Back at uni now and I'm trying to get back into a routine of normality. Waking up at different times everyday over the summer for no real purpose has really screwed with my sleep so i need to get that sorted before i start missing all of my lectures.

Alas i've gone off on a tangent, my neurological problems have absolutely no relevance in this post. *Dammit Nick get to the point!* Anyway, it seems i have lost all sense of creativity, and I'm not sure why. Maybe because i can't sleep... or maybe it's because everything here is so dull, lifeless and generally uninteresting that the grey, brown and beige pensioner of Peterborough and the personification of Derby (a tweed jacket wearing being with all the appeal of a sofa made out of burlap and the kind of person that would find seeing a new bus exciting) have seeped into my brain, blocking all interesting thoughts with fields of 'ooh look there's a new pie shop'.

I tried doodling today, and i couldn't think of much to even do, and the stuff that i did think of i decided against because it'd probably be shit. This is how hopeless i've become. Not even willing to do anything because of inevitable failure. Now this may seem like self-deprecation, but it doesn't mean that it's not true.

On a slight positive i've decided what i want to do for my second year production, the only problem is finding a place to shoot it, and i mean that in the cinematic sense and literally, i need to use a gun and find someone that doesn't mind having fake blood and bits of skull fired against their kitchen wall. Plus there's the whole thing of if I'm going to be able to work on my own or if I'm going to be forced into a group of people i really can't connect with... which seems more than likely. After last years abysmal aborted foetus of a film I'm hoping this year will shine a bit better.

Good talk.

xowax

Sad...

That last post actually made me die a little inside, the majority was about Resident Evil... lol

Oh well, i'll try and post something more meaningful next time.

*Yawn*

Wow, it's been a long time since i wrote on here!

So much has happened since i arrived at uni, and i can't believe it's all over in a few months.

I think i'll miss it here but it'll be good to be home and see the faces again.

I have one more minor assignment to do then i get a nice 6 weeks before i have to hand in my majors... joy.

I swear it's gotten more boring here though, no one seems to go out because everyone's strapped for cash and stressing about exams and essays or illness...

Meh I have Street Fighter IV to keep me entertained and Resi 5 on thursday/friday whenever it arrives- a bit unsure if i'm going to love it or hate it. I mean 4 was amazing, but if they've jusr recycled it into some butchered HD version it's going to be a bit of a disappointment. The demo was fair enough but i just don't think it gripped me like other Resi games. I remember playing the original demo on the PSone for Resi 2. Sure it was timed but it was fun! I used to play it just to see how far i could get, usually i'd get somewhere inside the police station and it would end but it was all good and atmospheric and all that. Maybe the zombies did look like shambling blocks of colour but it was still amazing.

Anyway, best get on with my essay, it's in tomorrow!